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Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Humor
Security
Airport
Stand
Airline
Food
Airports
System
Sanity
Funny
Humorous
Must
Insane
Way
Granted
More quotes by Dave Barry
A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.
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Smee! Raise the Ladies!
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Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2. There is no way you would ever pet it. 3. It does not respond to simple commands such as Here, boy!
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Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Dave Barry
Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.
Dave Barry
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
Dave Barry
I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.
Dave Barry
Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching boat owners perform comical maneuvers such as forgetting to set their parking brakes and having their cars roll down the ramp and disappear, burbling gaily, below the surface.
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In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up.
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European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches.
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For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
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Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
Dave Barry
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
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The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings.
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
Dave Barry
I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.
Dave Barry