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If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Saving
Personnel
Funny
Airline
Jobs
Miss
Thereby
Might
Missing
Plane
Life
Cause
Properly
Humor
Planes
Security
Possibly
Food
Humorous
Causes

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One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet
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Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
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Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into a car crash caused by trying to steer and dial at the same time today, people do this all the time.
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My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it.
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I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.
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I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
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Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
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Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
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Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
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A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.
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How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
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DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.
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In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.
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I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.
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Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and it does a remarkable job of getting New Yorkers from Point A to an indeterminate location somewhere in the tunnel leading to point B.
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Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.
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The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.
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Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.
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I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.
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Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.
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