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Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Best
Agree
Needs
Computer
Type
Days
Actually
Individual
Purchase
Comes
Experts
Two
Market
More quotes by Dave Barry
What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be colonial.
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My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to your children over a period of many years. This is why your parents started to get so stupid just at the time in your life when you were getting really smart.
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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
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Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.
Dave Barry
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
Dave Barry
Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.
Dave Barry
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Dave Barry
If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader.
Dave Barry
I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.
Dave Barry
I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful and productive that would actually benefit society. Fortunately this never happened.
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Dave Barry
Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tenative agreements.
Dave Barry
Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00
Dave Barry
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
Dave Barry
Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
Dave Barry
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
Dave Barry
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Dave Barry
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.
Dave Barry