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Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Two
Market
Best
Agree
Needs
Computer
Type
Days
Actually
Individual
Purchase
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Experts

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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
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Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.
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There's an old saying among scientific guys: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane.
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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
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You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories.
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One of the major hobbies in South Florida is keeping animals that no sane person would want to keep. One of those is snakes. They usually get them when they're small, and when they get too big, they let them go. But there are also people with monkeys, lions, tigers. And they all get away, eventually.
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If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
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Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
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During the warm season (August 8 and 9), Maine is a true vacation paradise, offering visitors a chance to jump into crystal-clear mountain lakes and see if they can get back out again before their bodily tissue is frozen as solid as a supermarket turkey.
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But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books I'd probably love if I ever got to them.
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Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
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I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
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You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.
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The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
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The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
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Reading... a vacation for the mind.
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I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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I'm not the only taxpayer who has no idea what he's sending to the IRS. This year, only 28 percent of all Americans will prepare their own tax returns, according to a voice in my head that invents accurate-sounding statistics.
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called LinkedIn.
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