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I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Year
Forty
Learn
Hills
Around
Bodies
Skiers
Body
Seven
Snowboarding
Years
Tried
Slopes
Realize
Skis
Realizing
Olds
Small
Formed
More quotes by Dave Barry
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
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Stache’s attack was perfectly timed, thanks to his veteran-pirate grasp tactics—and a big piece if luck.
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Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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Yet another spunky li'l NASA robot lands and begins transmitting back photographs of rocks that appear virtually identical to the rock photos beamed back by all the other spunky li'l NASA robots, thus confirming suspicions that the universe has a LOT of rocks in it.
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Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.
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Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into a car crash caused by trying to steer and dial at the same time today, people do this all the time.
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San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.
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I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed up all night rubbing it with germoline and banging its head on the table.
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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I love Halloween. It reminds me of my happy childhood days as a student at Wampus Elementary School in Armonk, N.Y., when we youngsters used to celebrate Halloween by making decorations out of construction paper and that white paste that you could eat.
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
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Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.
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Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.' Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right? Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?' Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?
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American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
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The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
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Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
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If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
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I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.
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