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What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Need
Engines
Needs
Search
Work
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Technology
Funny
Comes
Back
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Engine
More quotes by Dave Barry
There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?
Dave Barry
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
Dave Barry
The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the comb over.
Dave Barry
Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
Dave Barry
The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.
Dave Barry
English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.
Dave Barry
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Dave Barry
Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into a car crash caused by trying to steer and dial at the same time today, people do this all the time.
Dave Barry
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Dave Barry
I never had the vaguest idea whether any of it had anything to do with me, especially being a sixth grader. When I got older and traveled, I'd read about the history of where I was going. I'd be like, Oh, history is kind of interesting.
Dave Barry
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Dave Barry
I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.
Dave Barry
The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have to make a reservation roughly 137 years in advance, which means that by the time you actually get to the first tee you are deceased. Of course, in golf this is not really a handicap.
Dave Barry
Someone was tapping on the window.
Dave Barry
Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.
Dave Barry
I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: “How can I get in on that?
Dave Barry
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
Dave Barry
Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.
Dave Barry
I'm afraid that, in this chapter we must talk about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the Frontiers of Human Understanding and also we want to sell as many books as possible to adolescent boys.
Dave Barry
Please try not to be such a wiener-head.
Dave Barry
