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I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Looks
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Golf
Really
Anybody
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Terrible
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More quotes by Dave Barry
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
Dave Barry
Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.
Dave Barry
Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.
Dave Barry
The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
Dave Barry
Dogs make good pets because they are very loyal
Dave Barry
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
Dave Barry
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
Dave Barry
People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
Dave Barry
Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
Dave Barry
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
Dave Barry
Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud.
Dave Barry
I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful and productive that would actually benefit society. Fortunately this never happened.
Dave Barry
I never had the vaguest idea whether any of it had anything to do with me, especially being a sixth grader. When I got older and traveled, I'd read about the history of where I was going. I'd be like, Oh, history is kind of interesting.
Dave Barry
I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans were.
Dave Barry
You have to be careful on the deck, because of the hatches, which are holes placed around a sailboat at random to increase the insurance rates.
Dave Barry
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
Dave Barry
As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.
Dave Barry
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things about them: 1. They all had editors. 2. They are all dead. Thus we can draw the scientific conclusion that editors are fatal.
Dave Barry
I got a lot of mail from organizations concerned with bike safety. Then I got a couple from people who wanted my support for mandatory helmet laws. I can't support that. If you pass a law like that you'll do more harm than good, because you'll make people think they've done something about the problem when they haven't.
Dave Barry
You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses because they will want to keep playing.
Dave Barry