Quote

You have to be careful on the deck, because of the hatches, which are holes placed around a sailboat at random to increase the insurance rates.

Dave Barry

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Funny
Random
Around
Insurance
Placed
Holes
Hatches
Boat
Sailboat
Careful
Deck
Rate
Rates
Increase
Sailing

More quotes by Dave Barry

Image
To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
Dave Barry
Image
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
Dave Barry
Image
Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over.
Dave Barry
Image
I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.
Dave Barry
Image
...light overcomes darkenss. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated.
Dave Barry
Image
I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.
Dave Barry
Image
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Dave Barry
Image
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.
Dave Barry
Image
Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.
Dave Barry
Image
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Dave Barry
Image
Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
Dave Barry
Image
I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.
Dave Barry
Image
How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
Dave Barry
Image
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
Dave Barry
Image
Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error message that requires you to call the customer-support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life-span of a caribou.
Dave Barry
Image
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
Dave Barry
Image
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.
Dave Barry
Image
Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.
Dave Barry
Image
Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid
Dave Barry
Image
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
Dave Barry