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It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Large
Sailing
Close
Crew
Takes
Minimum
Crews
Working
Carried
Flush
Funny
Ships
Nautical
People
Boat
Toilet
Six
Toilets
Harmony
Successfully
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Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
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The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.
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When my generation was your age, we took crazy risks. The wildest thing was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates!
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Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is.
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It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to get involved in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.
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The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
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I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
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Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
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Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball only the part where you drive the cart.
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I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.
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Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
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I don't have any insight or understanding on anything about the government. All I think is that it's stupid - which is the one perspective that's almost completely lacking in Washington.
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Never lick a steak knife.
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I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.
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With a novel, you have to have a story. It's much more important to have it matter to the reader what happens to people, and it has to make sense and end in a way that is satisfying. So I spend a lot more time thinking about that. Then the writing itself usually is easier for me, because I know where it's going.
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They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.
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