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One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Even
Soon
Shave
Time
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Razor
Exist
Razors
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Thanks
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Ahead
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Hairs

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Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
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It may be meaningless, but at least it's a gesture.
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Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
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Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
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To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
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The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.
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Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.
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The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives.
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Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
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Here's a man who was twice elected to the most powerful position on Earth despite needing a TelePrompTer to correctly identify what year it was.
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Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
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My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
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Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
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If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
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You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses because they will want to keep playing.
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