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The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, people without lives. We don't care. We have each other.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Intelligent
Computer
Internet
Enthusiasts
Lives
Informed
Care
Giant
Without
Network
Mean
Giants
People
International

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Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
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A critical function that we journalists perform at political conventions is to try to get into parties that we have not been invited to. There are dozens of these parties, sponsored by large corporations with a sincere public-spirited desire to become larger.
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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You should not confuse your career with your life.
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I want to gag sometimes when I see who we are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian.
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You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?
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For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.
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If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
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A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.
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Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
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Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.
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Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.
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Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.
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Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tenative agreements.
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I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores.
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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
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Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud.
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