Quote

What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Global
Device
Exactly
Ducks
Digitized
Computer
Network
Modem
Internet
Devices
Choking
Called
Data
Exchanging
Way
Noise
Equipped
Make
Anywhere
Duck
Like
Basically
Choke

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It's a real smug self-righteous punk kid saying nobody has the right to tell him what to do and how dare you put a sign up saying that I can't go on your property?
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The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.
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San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.
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If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?
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...light overcomes darkenss. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated.
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The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
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The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.
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In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer.
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up.
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How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
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The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And even then it's not easy.
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Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.
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Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.
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The first animals to be successfully domesticated were dogs, which were a big help because they would bark all night and fetch thrown sticks, thereby freeing humans from having to perform these tedious yet vital tasks.
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Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
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I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.
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Millions of Americans own dogs, because they are good-natured, simple, and easily amused. I am referring here to the Americans. The dogs are not exactly Mensa members either, but they definitely make better pets than tropical fish.
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