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Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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More quotes by Dave Barry

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Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
Dave Barry
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Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.
Dave Barry
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Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.
Dave Barry
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Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
Dave Barry
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The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.
Dave Barry
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Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!
Dave Barry
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The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?
Dave Barry
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Dave Barry
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
Dave Barry
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I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.
Dave Barry
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Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Dave Barry
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry
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I never had the vaguest idea whether any of it had anything to do with me, especially being a sixth grader. When I got older and traveled, I'd read about the history of where I was going. I'd be like, Oh, history is kind of interesting.
Dave Barry
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The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Dave Barry
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If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when there WAS a military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon
Dave Barry
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dave Barry
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As you get older you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.
Dave Barry
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Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
Dave Barry
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As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.
Dave Barry