Quote

Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed up all night rubbing it with germoline and banging its head on the table.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Animal
Stick
Funny
Gentle
Rubbing
Night
Table
Banging
Remember
Sticks
Infection
Home
Tables
Knee
Persons
Basically
Insects
Person
Loving
Stayed
Head
Knees

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If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things about them: 1. They all had editors. 2. They are all dead. Thus we can draw the scientific conclusion that editors are fatal.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.
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We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
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Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if you ever tried to put your name on their clothing.
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I want to gag sometimes when I see who we are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian.
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I grew up in the Southwest Bronx. Father an accountant, mother a schoolteacher. Brother was six years older, which explains why I gobbled crystal meth at 12, smoked hashish at 13, and was shooting smack at 17, which explains how I got Hepatitis C, which was the basis of my first book, which was a humor book about dying.
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.
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The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.
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