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Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Pregnancy
Riding
Cannot
Love
Camel
Camels

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You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses because they will want to keep playing.
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Generally the pythons are better than anything else at killing.
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A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.
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Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.
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Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives.
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The reason it's called Grape Nuts is that it contains dextrose, which is also sometimes called grape sugar, and also because Grape Nuts is catchier, in terms of marketing, than A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel, which is what it tastes like.
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There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: passive systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and active systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbors' homes, too.
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The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have to make a reservation roughly 137 years in advance, which means that by the time you actually get to the first tee you are deceased. Of course, in golf this is not really a handicap.
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As the saying goes: If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist.
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The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.
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Please try not to be such a wiener-head.
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Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.
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Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat what if? questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.
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Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball only the part where you drive the cart.
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It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta
Dave Barry
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
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Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?
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Print neatly. That's the kind of advice that the IRS considers a dynamite tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.
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