Quote

Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.

Dave Barry

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Way
Nuclear
Weapons
Kill
Rooms
Airless
Grow
Bowling
Grows
Involve
Known
Weed
Doe
Balls

More quotes by Dave Barry

Image
Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00
Dave Barry
Image
I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.
Dave Barry
Image
If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.
Dave Barry
Image
I'm afraid that, in this chapter we must talk about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the Frontiers of Human Understanding and also we want to sell as many books as possible to adolescent boys.
Dave Barry
Image
The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
Dave Barry
Image
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
Dave Barry
Image
Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
Dave Barry
Image
If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
Dave Barry
Image
I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
Dave Barry
Image
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Dave Barry
Image
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Dave Barry
Image
I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.
Dave Barry
Image
During the warm season (August 8 and 9), Maine is a true vacation paradise, offering visitors a chance to jump into crystal-clear mountain lakes and see if they can get back out again before their bodily tissue is frozen as solid as a supermarket turkey.
Dave Barry
Image
Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.
Dave Barry
Image
For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
Dave Barry
Image
In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.
Dave Barry
Image
I've come to realize that you're going to get criticized no matter what. Somebody will always hate what you write, especially if you write humor for a fairly broad audience. Somebody will always find it not funny and declare you're not funny anymore. And sometimes people are just crazy.
Dave Barry
Image
Smee! Raise the Ladies!
Dave Barry
Image
Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.
Dave Barry
Image
Another foreign-policy triumph for Reagan was his 1984 visit to China, where he met for more than three hours with Mao Zedong before realizing that Mao was dead.
Dave Barry