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Print neatly. That's the kind of advice that the IRS considers a dynamite tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Advice
Irs
Question
Dynamite
Asks
Considers
Real
Taxation
Kind
Cheat
Print
Useless
Taxes
Neatly

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The whole thing about whether you smoke marijuana or not is so ridiculous. That and whether you protested the Vietnam War. Give me a break. Especially the marijuana thing.
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I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.
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Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
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I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
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San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.
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Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.
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European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches.
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...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.
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Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.
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We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.
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I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.
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If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying to kill Person B just because Person A happens to very deliberately bash Person B's skull in with a brick. The verdict is applauded by scientists at the Tobacco Institute.
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AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.
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Your friends love you anyway.
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We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.
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I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.
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