Quote

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Thinking
Moment
Suggests
Woman
Emerging
Moments
Pregnancy
Women
Pregnant
Anything
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Even
Baby
Never
Unless
Think
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If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
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We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
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The Republicans have a high Beady-Eyed Self-Righteous Scary Borderline Loon Quotient, as evidenced by Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Robertson, the entire state of Utah, etc.
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The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.
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You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities and much, much more.
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The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
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Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if you ever tried to put your name on their clothing.
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If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things about them: 1. They all had editors. 2. They are all dead. Thus we can draw the scientific conclusion that editors are fatal.
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How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
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If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.
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The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
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Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
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