Quote

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Moment
Suggests
Thinking
Woman
Emerging
Moments
Pregnancy
Women
Pregnant
Anything
Actual
Baby
Even
Unless
Never
Boys
Remotely
Think

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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
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Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts.
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One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet
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I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
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I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.
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Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
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Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
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Someone was tapping on the window.
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The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called LinkedIn.
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Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.
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Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
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The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.
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The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
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You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities and much, much more.
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If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
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Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and the newspaper headlines say 'EVENING IN PARIS BALL RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT GOUT' instead of 'RICH PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES'.
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