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You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Clear
Give
Daylight
Reason
Savings
Find
Observe
Giving
Compelling
Never
Witty
Time
Saving
Anybody

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I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
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Too many rocks in the mountains.
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One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or 'fat recycling,' wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that is too large, such as your buttocks, and injected into your lips. People will then be literally kissing ass.
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Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.
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My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to your children over a period of many years. This is why your parents started to get so stupid just at the time in your life when you were getting really smart.
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There's tremendous pressure, if you're in that [goverment] system, to be involved and be interested and to care about it. There's no room to say, This is stupid.
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We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
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It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to get involved in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.
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Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.
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All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.
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I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.
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If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader.
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Please try not to be such a wiener-head.
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Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
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The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
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I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
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The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.
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The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.
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I'm one of those people who tells my wife, No coaching from the sidelines.
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Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
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