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It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Taxes
Irs
Americans
Stab
Form
Pencil
Time
Pencils
Taxation
Gather
Income
Receipts
Forms
Sharpen
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Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
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The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
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And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that look MORE ALIKE than they already do! Thanks a lot, Scientific Community!
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Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.
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We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.
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By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
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What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
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...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.
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Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.
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Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
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I've come to realize that you're going to get criticized no matter what. Somebody will always hate what you write, especially if you write humor for a fairly broad audience. Somebody will always find it not funny and declare you're not funny anymore. And sometimes people are just crazy.
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UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.
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I want to gag sometimes when I see who we are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian.
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Someone was tapping on the window.
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Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
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Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.
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Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
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Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
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Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
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