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Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Zero
Cigarettes
Smoking
Cigar
Drop
Overnight
Humorous
Sales
Smoke
Contain
Funny
Cigarette
Would
Warning
Fats

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It's a real smug self-righteous punk kid saying nobody has the right to tell him what to do and how dare you put a sign up saying that I can't go on your property?
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad.
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I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in the race. I'm an extremely corrupt candidate and I stress that in case anybody in our reading audience is interested in sending me money.
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Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
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If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards.
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Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.
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Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
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