Quote

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Getting
Nuclear
Science
Parts
Right
Using
Reactor
Work
Computer
Darkened
Room
Properly
Rooms
Buying
Building
Teeth
Technology
Complicated

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If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?
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I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
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I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.
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Shawn's (Shawn Weatherly - former beauty queen) acting ability is such that she could not convey the concept of falling if your pushed her off a cliff.
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I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.
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I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
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I got a lot of mail from organizations concerned with bike safety. Then I got a couple from people who wanted my support for mandatory helmet laws. I can't support that. If you pass a law like that you'll do more harm than good, because you'll make people think they've done something about the problem when they haven't.
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You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities and much, much more.
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Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.
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Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don't take long.
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The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.
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What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
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The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle when they refrain from grabbing the listener by the shirt.
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When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And I really don't care where it goes.
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Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
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Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
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