Quote

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball only the part where you drive the cart.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Part
Ball
Littles
Balls
Little
Drive
Trying
Boring
Always
Golf
Playing
Talking
Cart
Interesting
Carts

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If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?
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I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.
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I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.
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Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error message that requires you to call the customer-support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life-span of a caribou.
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Can we move this conversation along, I'm getting frightfully tired of 'hoa'.
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Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.
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I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in the race. I'm an extremely corrupt candidate and I stress that in case anybody in our reading audience is interested in sending me money.
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
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England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.
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Millions of Americans own dogs, because they are good-natured, simple, and easily amused. I am referring here to the Americans. The dogs are not exactly Mensa members either, but they definitely make better pets than tropical fish.
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In more than 20 years of opening beers with guys, I have NEVER seen the Swedish Bikini Team show up. Almost always, the teams that show up in beer drinking situations consist of guys who have been playing league softball and smell like bus seats.
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I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.
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Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
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Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
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Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
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It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta
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