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See, when the government spends money, it creates jobs whereas when the money is left in the hands of taxpayers, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Politics
Taxpayers
Jobs
Whereas
Left
Libertarian
Money
Creates
Pies
Hands
Avoid
Bake
Government
Creating
Spends
Anything
Liberty
Intriguing
Probably
Pie

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The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'
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Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud.
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Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.
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If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
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We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.
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Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.
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If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
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Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.
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The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.
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At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say excuse me. Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt like that on the New York City subway. The other passengers would take it as a sign of weakness, and there'd be a fight over who got to keep your ears as a trophy.
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And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life
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The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
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I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.
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One I'm deeply into is Doris Kearns Goodwin's Team of Rivals. I was the only person in the US who hadn't read it.
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Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
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Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
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The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
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You should not confuse your career with your life.
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