Quote

If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

Dave Barry

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Glory
Agnostic
Hairstyle
Humanity
Deliver
Hairstyles
Religion
Atheist
Glories
Universe
Message
Messenger
Use
Messages
Messengers
Persons
Entire
Decides
Person
Atheism
Cable
Really
Created
Cables

More quotes by Dave Barry

Image
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
Dave Barry
Image
I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached, after traveling through Japan, as well as countless hours reading, studying, and analyzing this fascinating culture, is that you should always tighten the cap on the shampoo bottle before you put it in your suitcase.
Dave Barry
Image
There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
Dave Barry
Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
Dave Barry
Image
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
Dave Barry
Image
I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.
Dave Barry
Image
What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be colonial.
Dave Barry
Image
Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.
Dave Barry
Image
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Dave Barry
Image
Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.
Dave Barry
Image
On behalf of the newspaper industry I wish to announce some changes we're making to serve you better. When I say 'serve you better,'' I mean 'increase our profits.' We newspapers are very big on profits these days. We're a business, just like any other business, except that we employ English majors.
Dave Barry
Image
Eventually everyone has to die, except Elvis.
Dave Barry
Image
How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
Dave Barry
Image
The story of the eighties will be the story of the Reagan administration and the many men and women who served in it, some of whom are already out on parole.
Dave Barry
Image
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Dave Barry
Image
As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other people, even when these people clearly are raving space loons.
Dave Barry
Image
Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.
Dave Barry
Image
I'm afraid that, in this chapter we must talk about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the Frontiers of Human Understanding and also we want to sell as many books as possible to adolescent boys.
Dave Barry
Image
In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up.
Dave Barry
Image
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
Dave Barry