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The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
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Film Producer
Humorist
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Satirist
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Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
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I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in the race. I'm an extremely corrupt candidate and I stress that in case anybody in our reading audience is interested in sending me money.
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Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.
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As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other people, even when these people clearly are raving space loons.
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If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
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The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
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I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security
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No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.
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For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
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The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives.
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The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
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I'm one of those people who tells my wife, No coaching from the sidelines.
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
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