Quote

Stache’s attack was perfectly timed, thanks to his veteran-pirate grasp tactics—and a big piece if luck.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Luck
Timed
Piece
Pirate
Pieces
Veteran
Bigs
Tactics
Grasp
Perfectly
Attack
Thanks

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Please try not to be such a wiener-head.
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Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
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As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.
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If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
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But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books I'd probably love if I ever got to them.
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.
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It was not easy victory in the America Cup. Our boys spent years experimenting with different designs for their boat before they came up with the innovative idea of having a submerged nuclear submarine tow it.
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I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.
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Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.
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Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people.
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We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.
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Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.
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At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that: •The universe is even bigger than they thought! •There are even more subatomic particles than they thought! •Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
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By the eighties, a lot of radio stations had started playing Sixties music. They called it Classic Rock, because they knew we'd be upset if they came right out and called it what it is, namely middle-aged-person nostalgia music.
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Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.
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Someone was tapping on the window.
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The Republicans have a high Beady-Eyed Self-Righteous Scary Borderline Loon Quotient, as evidenced by Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Robertson, the entire state of Utah, etc.
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Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
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I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don't take long.
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I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.
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