Quote

His body rigid with terror as he waited for the savages to something horrible to him—bash his head with clubs, or stab him with spears, or… …or tap him on the shoulder.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Shoulders
Clubs
Bash
Terror
Stab
Horrible
Spears
Head
Rigid
Body
Waited
Something
Savages
Shoulder

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When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And I really don't care where it goes.
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'
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A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.
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If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
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Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.
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Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00
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I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.
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Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, 'I may lick myself in public, but I'd never say anything as stupid as that.'
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For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
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I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.
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In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.
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Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
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Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.
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Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching boat owners perform comical maneuvers such as forgetting to set their parking brakes and having their cars roll down the ramp and disappear, burbling gaily, below the surface.
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I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
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