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Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Real
Soft
Time
Spots
Love
Sorry
Except
Truly
Marooned
Sort
Queen
Black
Spot
Women
Queens

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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
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The first animals to be successfully domesticated were dogs, which were a big help because they would bark all night and fetch thrown sticks, thereby freeing humans from having to perform these tedious yet vital tasks.
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I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.
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You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories.
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Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
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Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
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The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
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Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: “How can I get in on that?
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...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.
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The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
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With a novel, you have to have a story. It's much more important to have it matter to the reader what happens to people, and it has to make sense and end in a way that is satisfying. So I spend a lot more time thinking about that. Then the writing itself usually is easier for me, because I know where it's going.
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
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Actually, there are people from all ove - not just Latin America, certainly not just Cuba, but all over Europe, all over the United States. I like that. I like knowing a lot of different types of people. And I can afford to live in a relatively safe part of Miami.
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I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
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Someone was tapping on the window.
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