Quote

Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Time
Spots
Love
Sorry
Except
Truly
Marooned
Sort
Queen
Black
Spot
Women
Queens
Real
Soft

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Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!
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I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
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If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful New Yorker will approach to see if you have any spare change.
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People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
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Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts.
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I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
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I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.
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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00
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Reading... a vacation for the mind.
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Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.
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Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud.
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Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
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I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.
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The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'
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If, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it's because you're TOO CLOSE, alright? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.
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A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
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We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
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Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores.
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