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Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Tapping
Window
Someone

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.
Dave Barry
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Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Dave Barry
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The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts.
Dave Barry
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Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
Dave Barry
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I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
Dave Barry
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Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.
Dave Barry
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Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
Dave Barry
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Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do? Just use copier machine paper, she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies
Dave Barry
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For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read American Caesar by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading Tales of the South Pacific by James Michener and then because of that reading his Hawaii. That is what happens.
Dave Barry
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He's a boating enthusiast, although that phrase seems too weak to describe the level of his interest, kind of like describing someone as a heroin fancier.
Dave Barry
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How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
Dave Barry
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If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things about them: 1. They all had editors. 2. They are all dead. Thus we can draw the scientific conclusion that editors are fatal.
Dave Barry
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There's an old saying among scientific guys: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane.
Dave Barry
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One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the mounting deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.
Dave Barry
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Dogs make good pets because they are very loyal
Dave Barry
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Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
Dave Barry
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If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
Dave Barry
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If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
Dave Barry
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What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Dave Barry
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Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?
Dave Barry