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In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Doe
Test
Persons
Famous
Person
Tests
Nation
Scholastic
Dead
Scholastics
Nations
Aptitude
Words
Poorly
History
Doomed

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I know that all over America there's probably politicians sending out pictures of themselves signing that mandatory helmet bill, but it's bullshit. I say that as a parent.
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
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I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don't take long.
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My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it.
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Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
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Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat what if? questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.
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I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
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Eventually everyone has to die, except Elvis.
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Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.
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I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.
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Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
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I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.
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The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
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Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
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There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
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If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
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I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.
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One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.
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I don't like anything unsigned in a newspaper that purports to be the opinion of some group if we don't know who the group is. It's laughable to say that The Miami Herald's editorials or any newspaper's editorials represent any views other than those of the people writing them, so why don't we tell everybody who they are?
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