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There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Life
Phones
Sea
Head
Brain
Call
Hears
Comes
Hang
Men
Phone
Time
Immediately

More quotes by Dave Barry

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The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called LinkedIn.
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I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
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I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.
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The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.
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I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don't take long.
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We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.
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Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.
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People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
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Someone was tapping on the window.
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Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
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Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do? Just use copier machine paper, she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies
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The scrub sink...is the place where doctors wash their hands after they operate so that they won't get flecks of your vital organs on their Lexus upholstery.
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I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
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Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.
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Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat what if? questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.
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Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
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One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the mounting deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.
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You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.
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You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?
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The reason it's called Grape Nuts is that it contains dextrose, which is also sometimes called grape sugar, and also because Grape Nuts is catchier, in terms of marketing, than A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel, which is what it tastes like.
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