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The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Form
Boxes
Together
Finished
Really
Cutting
Lumber
Good
Humor
Housework
Inside
Furniture
Already
Attached
Funny
Store
Place
Stores
More quotes by Dave Barry
The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.
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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00
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I've come to realize that you're going to get criticized no matter what. Somebody will always hate what you write, especially if you write humor for a fairly broad audience. Somebody will always find it not funny and declare you're not funny anymore. And sometimes people are just crazy.
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We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
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Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?
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A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.
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Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
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A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.
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Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.
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The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
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Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tenative agreements.
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What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
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The Republicans have a high Beady-Eyed Self-Righteous Scary Borderline Loon Quotient, as evidenced by Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Robertson, the entire state of Utah, etc.
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It's a real smug self-righteous punk kid saying nobody has the right to tell him what to do and how dare you put a sign up saying that I can't go on your property?
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The Internet browser... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later.
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Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.
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What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles? I grew up in an era (the Paleolithic) when people kept their stomach muscles discreetly out of sight.
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You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.
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The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.
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Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
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