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Reading... a vacation for the mind.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Vacation
Reading
Book
Mind

More quotes by Dave Barry

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We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
Dave Barry
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The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.
Dave Barry
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Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.
Dave Barry
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If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?
Dave Barry
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Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.
Dave Barry
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Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.
Dave Barry
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In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.
Dave Barry
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The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
Dave Barry
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry
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The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.
Dave Barry
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Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.
Dave Barry
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If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
Dave Barry
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This is true virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content.
Dave Barry
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If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful New Yorker will approach to see if you have any spare change.
Dave Barry
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The other major kind of computer is the Apple, which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer you basically just plug in and use.
Dave Barry
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The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
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Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
Dave Barry
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The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.
Dave Barry
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I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or she did that was remotely funny than I am to be mused by somebody declaring this isn't funny, that isn't funny, this sucks. If you want to write humor, you're going to have to get used to that.
Dave Barry
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Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
Dave Barry