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If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Life
Funny
Humorous
Woman
Saving
Inspirational
Ball
Catching
Women
Balls
Infant
Without
Save
Parenting
Children
Baseball
Considering
Even
Choose
Hitting
Men
Humor
Base

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If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.
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If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
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He felt a momentary pang of regret that he had not spent more time with his beloved wife. But it passed when he remembered that the reason he’d gone to sea in the first place was that he had never really liked his beloved wife.
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Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
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To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
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To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
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All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.
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Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
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I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.
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Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.
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The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.
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Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.' Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right? Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?' Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?
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I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
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Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
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I know that all over America there's probably politicians sending out pictures of themselves signing that mandatory helmet bill, but it's bullshit. I say that as a parent.
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Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
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I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans were.
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Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
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If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
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