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If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Woman
Saving
Inspirational
Ball
Catching
Women
Balls
Infant
Without
Save
Parenting
Children
Baseball
Considering
Even
Choose
Hitting
Men
Humor
Base
Life
Funny
Humorous

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Any parent that relies on any law to help him parent is an idiot.
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Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
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If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards.
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Please try not to be such a wiener-head.
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have to make a reservation roughly 137 years in advance, which means that by the time you actually get to the first tee you are deceased. Of course, in golf this is not really a handicap.
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Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do? Just use copier machine paper, she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies
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One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or 'fat recycling,' wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that is too large, such as your buttocks, and injected into your lips. People will then be literally kissing ass.
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His body rigid with terror as he waited for the savages to something horrible to him—bash his head with clubs, or stab him with spears, or… …or tap him on the shoulder.
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Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
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Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
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The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
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AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.
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I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
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What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
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More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers from consuming them. These days you have to open almost every consumer item by gnawing on the packaging.
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Real cars were made here in America: Fords, Chevys, Plymouths. These were large chunks of Detroit iron - cars that had the size, weight, and handling characteristics of aircraft carriers but worse fuel efficiency.
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I'm one of those people who tells my wife, No coaching from the sidelines.
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There's an old saying among scientific guys: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane.
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