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Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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More quotes by Dave Barry

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Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into a car crash caused by trying to steer and dial at the same time today, people do this all the time.
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Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
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Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
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Never lick a steak knife.
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The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.
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I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
Dave Barry
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I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.
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Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
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The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And even then it's not easy.
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When I say dogs, I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little squeaky things you can hold on your lap and carry around. Zoologically speaking, these are not dogs at all they are members of the pillow family.
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What's happened to marriage? The wedding-industrial complex. Brides get swept up in this world of obsession - it has to be your perfect day.
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You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.
Dave Barry
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In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up.
Dave Barry
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A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.
Dave Barry
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Leonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality. “You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?” “Yes,” said Leonard. “It was very gracious of you.” “Do you,” said Leonard, “I mean, does you tribe, shake hands?” “No,” said Fighting Prawn. “We kiss on the lips.” “Oh,” said Leonard, looking very alarmed.
Dave Barry
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I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.
Dave Barry
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With a novel, you have to have a story. It's much more important to have it matter to the reader what happens to people, and it has to make sense and end in a way that is satisfying. So I spend a lot more time thinking about that. Then the writing itself usually is easier for me, because I know where it's going.
Dave Barry
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If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.
Dave Barry
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The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?
Dave Barry