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Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Guy
Develop
Talking
Commitment
Rooting
Care
Guys
Vows
Take
Relationship
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Teams
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Wedding
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Sports
Seriously

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If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.
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One I'm deeply into is Doris Kearns Goodwin's Team of Rivals. I was the only person in the US who hadn't read it.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in the race. I'm an extremely corrupt candidate and I stress that in case anybody in our reading audience is interested in sending me money.
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Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
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As you get older you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.
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Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'
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If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set of tires.
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One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet
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Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
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I'm not sure you can count as history, was Keith Richards's Life, which he so modestly titled it. I did find it a fascinating book. Keith's a pretty honest fellow.
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Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.
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DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.
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Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
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Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
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Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.
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A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.
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I know that all over America there's probably politicians sending out pictures of themselves signing that mandatory helmet bill, but it's bullshit. I say that as a parent.
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Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2. There is no way you would ever pet it. 3. It does not respond to simple commands such as Here, boy!
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Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home.
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