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A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Rude
Kindness
Motivational
Respect
Nice
Niceness
Inspirational
Rudeness
Persons
Waiter
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Dave

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Dave Barry
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We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
Dave Barry
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I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.
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Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
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I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie.
Dave Barry
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If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.
Dave Barry
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The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
Dave Barry
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I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.
Dave Barry
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I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.
Dave Barry
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Too many rocks in the mountains.
Dave Barry
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My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it.
Dave Barry
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[American tax laws] are constantly changing as our elected representatives seek new ways to ensure that whatever tax advice we receive is incorrect.
Dave Barry
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Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?” “We’re going to look for water,” said Alf. “And food?” said Tubby Ted. “Water first,” said Alf. “We can go days without food.” “We can what?” Tubby Ted shouted.
Dave Barry
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Print neatly. That's the kind of advice that the IRS considers a dynamite tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.
Dave Barry
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
Dave Barry
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Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
Dave Barry
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
Dave Barry
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Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
Dave Barry
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry
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I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
Dave Barry