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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Wearing
Appear
Large
Small
Mammals
Spiders

More quotes by Dave Barry

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I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
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Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat what if? questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.
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If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
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The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.
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Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.
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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
Dave Barry
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In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.
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But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books I'd probably love if I ever got to them.
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All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump.
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I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.
Dave Barry
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What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
Dave Barry
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Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.
Dave Barry
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There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.
Dave Barry
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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Dave Barry
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The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'
Dave Barry
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When the boomers started to have kids reach adolescence, there was suddenly this feeling that they needed to protect their kids from all the same things they did when they were kids. Which I guess is a natural tendency, but it makes for a less fun society.
Dave Barry
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With a novel, you have to have a story. It's much more important to have it matter to the reader what happens to people, and it has to make sense and end in a way that is satisfying. So I spend a lot more time thinking about that. Then the writing itself usually is easier for me, because I know where it's going.
Dave Barry
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Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'
Dave Barry
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I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.
Dave Barry
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If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
Dave Barry