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Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Literature
Readership
Reading
Column
Chance
Columns
Fact
Newspaper
Facts
Newspapers
Good
Madness
Like
Nobody
Crazy
Declining

More quotes by Dave Barry

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Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.
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And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life
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Smee! Raise the Ladies!
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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
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Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.
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A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.
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My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
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What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
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Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, 'I may lick myself in public, but I'd never say anything as stupid as that.'
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Another foreign-policy triumph for Reagan was his 1984 visit to China, where he met for more than three hours with Mao Zedong before realizing that Mao was dead.
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Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
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I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.
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A short distance away is the Tidal Basin, ringed by cherry trees that every year produce flowers, an event to which Washingtonians react as though it were the Second Coming of Christ.
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If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
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Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35 Chicken or Beef $2.25 Children $2.00
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Dogs make good pets because they are very loyal
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Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
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Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, Dave, all you do with your spare time is sit around and drink beer. You need a hobby. So I got a hobby. I make beer.
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The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer in the entire known world. All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
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