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I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Since
Literature
American
Approximately
War
Gigantic
Spanish
Rolling
Stones
Fans

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In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.
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The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.
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Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.
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I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
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Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
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You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories.
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Stache’s attack was perfectly timed, thanks to his veteran-pirate grasp tactics—and a big piece if luck.
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RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages.
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It is important to be nice. But sometimes niceness can be misconstrued as weak. Should we be nice to everybody? Should we be nice only when others are nice to us? Here are some interesting views about being nice. Read these nice quotes and turn on your niceness.
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If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.
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The books all say that barracuda rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read.
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I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
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Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
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Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
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To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
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Eventually everyone has to die, except Elvis.
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If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader.
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Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores.
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