Quote

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Problem
Consumers
Humorous
Product
Including
Products
Purchase
American
Culinary
Funny
Floor
America
Fats

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But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books I'd probably love if I ever got to them.
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Never lick a steak knife.
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I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or she did that was remotely funny than I am to be mused by somebody declaring this isn't funny, that isn't funny, this sucks. If you want to write humor, you're going to have to get used to that.
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Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.
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Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.
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Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.
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There was nowhere to sit except the bunk, which was covered with rotting food, and a wooden stool, upon which sat a large fur-covered lump—an old cheese, perhaps, or a dead cat.
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Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.
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Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.
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I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
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For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
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I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.
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Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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It was not easy victory in the America Cup. Our boys spent years experimenting with different designs for their boat before they came up with the innovative idea of having a submerged nuclear submarine tow it.
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There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
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As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight.
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
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