Quote

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Problem
Consumers
Humorous
Product
Including
Products
Purchase
American
Culinary
Funny
Floor
America
Fats

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How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
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What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
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Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball only the part where you drive the cart.
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I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
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Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.
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The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
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The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.
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The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
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If Mozart had power tools, there's no telling how great his music might have been.
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You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories.
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