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In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
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Stamp
American
Stamps
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Parliament
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Apparently
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Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'
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For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read American Caesar by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading Tales of the South Pacific by James Michener and then because of that reading his Hawaii. That is what happens.
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There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?
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If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
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If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set of tires.
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Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tenative agreements.
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There's tremendous pressure, if you're in that [goverment] system, to be involved and be interested and to care about it. There's no room to say, This is stupid.
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Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and the newspaper headlines say 'EVENING IN PARIS BALL RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT GOUT' instead of 'RICH PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES'.
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Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.
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As you get older you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.
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I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
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I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.
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Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'
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Smee! Raise the Ladies!
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.
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Shawn's (Shawn Weatherly - former beauty queen) acting ability is such that she could not convey the concept of falling if your pushed her off a cliff.
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You should be prepared for anything during divorce proceedings - even the truth.
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Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
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I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.
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