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If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Made
Would
Furry
Toads
Plight
Cute
Concerned
Wanted

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If, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it's because you're TOO CLOSE, alright? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.
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I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.
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I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
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There's an old saying among scientific guys: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane.
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The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'
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Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
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I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.
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The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And even then it's not easy.
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.
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I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful and productive that would actually benefit society. Fortunately this never happened.
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England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.
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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
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The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
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I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.
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There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
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You should be prepared for anything during divorce proceedings - even the truth.
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Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.
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Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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