Quote

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

Dave Barry

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Life
Call
Understand
Better
Look
Pathetic
Looks
Mess
Need
Computer
Take
Personal
Needs
Technology

More quotes by Dave Barry

Image
During the warm season (August 8 and 9), Maine is a true vacation paradise, offering visitors a chance to jump into crystal-clear mountain lakes and see if they can get back out again before their bodily tissue is frozen as solid as a supermarket turkey.
Dave Barry
Image
Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'
Dave Barry
Image
I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.
Dave Barry
Image
Like all writers, my greatest inspiration, my ultimate muse, is a deadline.
Dave Barry
Image
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
Dave Barry
Image
As the saying goes: If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist.
Dave Barry
Image
Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.
Dave Barry
Image
If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
Dave Barry
Image
But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land. (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)
Dave Barry
Image
When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And I really don't care where it goes.
Dave Barry
Image
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dave Barry
Image
I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.
Dave Barry
Image
Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.
Dave Barry
Image
The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the comb over.
Dave Barry
Image
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
Dave Barry
Image
The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
Dave Barry
Image
Another foreign-policy triumph for Reagan was his 1984 visit to China, where he met for more than three hours with Mao Zedong before realizing that Mao was dead.
Dave Barry
Image
Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
Dave Barry
Image
Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid
Dave Barry
Image
I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.
Dave Barry