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The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Literature
Society
Future
Chat
Shaping
Transforming
Computer
Internet

More quotes by Dave Barry

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All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump.
Dave Barry
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You should not confuse your career with your life.
Dave Barry
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The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground and sprawl around the garden, menacing the other vegetables. At night, you will be able to hear the ground quake as more and more zucchinis erupt.
Dave Barry
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I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.
Dave Barry
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The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
Dave Barry
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And that's the wonderful thing about family travel: it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.
Dave Barry
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The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.
Dave Barry
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Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.
Dave Barry
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Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
Dave Barry
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Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.
Dave Barry
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Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.
Dave Barry
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I got a lot of mail from organizations concerned with bike safety. Then I got a couple from people who wanted my support for mandatory helmet laws. I can't support that. If you pass a law like that you'll do more harm than good, because you'll make people think they've done something about the problem when they haven't.
Dave Barry
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Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat what if? questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.
Dave Barry
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I read Warren Zevon's bizarre biography, I'll Sleep When I'm Dead. His wife, Crystal Zevon, posthumously published a journal he wrote and some interviews with ex-band members. Like [Keith] Richards's book Life, it's brutally honest.
Dave Barry
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Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
Dave Barry
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Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.
Dave Barry
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Dave Barry
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Like all writers, my greatest inspiration, my ultimate muse, is a deadline.
Dave Barry
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Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.
Dave Barry
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As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight.
Dave Barry