Quote

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

Dave Barry

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Defined
Advice
Listen
Modern
Inspirational
Velcro
Remember
Remembers
Persons
Teens
Person
Teenager

More quotes by Dave Barry

Image
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry
Image
Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.
Dave Barry
Image
The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground and sprawl around the garden, menacing the other vegetables. At night, you will be able to hear the ground quake as more and more zucchinis erupt.
Dave Barry
Image
Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.
Dave Barry
Image
Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.
Dave Barry
Image
Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
Dave Barry
Image
Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?
Dave Barry
Image
I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security
Dave Barry
Image
I read Remembrance of Things Past in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.
Dave Barry
Image
Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
Dave Barry
Image
Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.
Dave Barry
Image
The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.
Dave Barry
Image
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Dave Barry
Image
He felt a momentary pang of regret that he had not spent more time with his beloved wife. But it passed when he remembered that the reason he’d gone to sea in the first place was that he had never really liked his beloved wife.
Dave Barry
Image
Shawn's (Shawn Weatherly - former beauty queen) acting ability is such that she could not convey the concept of falling if your pushed her off a cliff.
Dave Barry
Image
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
Dave Barry
Image
Dogs make good pets because they are very loyal
Dave Barry
Image
I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.
Dave Barry
Image
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.
Dave Barry
Image
The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.
Dave Barry